YOU HAVE PICKED YOUR ATTORNEY – NOW WHAT?
Again, make sure that you have communicated with your attorney what your goal is. Is the goal to take no prisoners or is the goal to separate from your spouse with as little destruction as possible?
There are generally two main issues in every divorce: money and children. Here are five tips on making the separation of your family easier for your children.
1) Be on board with your spouse about how you are going to tell the children. You should consider seeing a parenting coordinator or therapist who can give you ideas on the best way to reveal the information to the children.
2) Accept what is going on. If you are able to embrace the divorce as a new family structure, your children will be able to embrace it.
3) Absolutely do not speak about money with the children during the process, or even after the process. Chances are you would not be speaking to the children about money if you were married so do not bring them into this conversation. If you are before a Judge and the Judge finds out that you were speaking to the children about money, it will not reflect well on you. Courts do not want children involved in adult issues. The Court considers the distribution of money, payment of child support an adult issue.
4) Absolutely do not post things on any social media site regarding the divorce, the litigation, or anything about your spouse that your children could see. Never underestimate how quickly something can spread though social media. The last thing a Judge wants to see is you speaking badly about your spouse on social media. It will absolutely backfire.
5) Assure the children that this was not their fault and that both you and your spouse love them. Take the children’s desires into account when you are determining a parenting plan. If you can not agree, it is possible that the Court will appoint an attorney for the child. With or without an attorney for the child(ren), a judge does not want to hear that the parents are not listening to the children. For example, a court will not be happy if one parent wants the child(ren) to attend a school near them when a school near the spouse would be a better fit, or more academically beneficial, for the child.